Mental health & Entrepreneurship

Allow me to have a moment of complete transparency here, this shit is hard. Yes, life, in general, is hard, I’m aware. But lately, I just feel like it’s been really fucking hard. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even catch a break. I’m also aware that I’m not the only person who feels that way.

I just feel like sometimes I can’t win. I’m at a time in my life where I truly don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing. Since I was young, they sold me the dream that if I worked hard and got good grades and went to college that I’d get a good job and the life that I’ve dreamed of. I’m not saying that it’s not going to happen for me, because I’m doing everything in my power to make sure I get that life, I’m just not 100% sure how to get there.

I guess a lot of my frustration comes from the fact that it’s been 2 years since I left college and I haven’t found a job and I’m still stuck at home, working a job that I truly hate. I really don’t know where to go from here. So I did what every confused twenty-something does and applied for grad school. I’m not even positive that a Master’s Degree is something that I really want but it would certainly give me some time to figure things out if anything. I guess I should stop being so last minute on all my decisions.

Having no clue what you’re doing in life is kind of stressful and kind of makes you want to just do nothing. Some days, I just lay in the dark and wish that I could crawl into a cave and hibernate until things made sense. I guess a lot of the issues stem from the fact that I have extremely high standards for myself and I want to meet them, I don’t want to live a life of mediocrity and settling. I want extravagance and luxury and someone who knows I’m the best of the best.

Trying to get my business off the ground and build a platform and a brand for myself is hard ass work. I know you all know that. People with an entrepreneurial spirit who want to make something for themselves experience the grind and grit that comes with that. It doesn’t make it any easier. I know that, and I’m aware I’ll have to continually bust my ass for a lot longer before things start to truly pick up. Wanting to start your own business, I feel, is very taxing on your mental health because if there’s one thing that is uncertain as hell, it’s starting your own business. Chile, let me tell you. You don’t know what’s the right marketing tactic, you can’t get people to talk to you on social media, you gotta go through hell and high water to find the right client. It can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, especially if you’re inconsistent as hell.

However, if you want something worth having, I suppose you have to figure it out and push through all the confusion toward it. I don’t know how other women who are making something for themselves cope with these feelings. It seems that all the other women in my life are so strong and knock down every obstacle with ease. This likely isn’t the truth, we all have our struggles and we all have different demons to battle. I just think it’s harder to do when you’re on your own like this.

The stress, the uncertainty, the never-not-working, your self-worth seemingly being fused into the success of your business. Couldn’t you just scream? Here’s more about mental health and entrepreneurship if you’re interested:

https://www.startupgrind.com/blog/genius-in-madness-72-of-entrepreneurs-affected-by-mental-health-conditions/

Working on my acting career is tough. But if I’m being completely honest, that’s probably the easiest thing in my life right now. It’s just something that comes naturally for me, something that I’m good at and I KNOW that I’m good at. I just need to get signed, blow this joint and move to Hollywood where I belong.

I’m still dealing with the loss of my beloved baby Perry. I never imagined I’d lose her, especially lose her after having her for only 6 years and I never thought it’d happen the way it did. But it did happen and now I’m trying to move past it, I’m just not really sure how.

9 months after ending a relationship with the person I know is my person, I still haven’t made any progress in moving forward from it. I don’t know how to mend my heart when it just keeps taking all these hits. I don’t know how to move on from him. Do you ever just know when something is right? Well, that’s what I know about him. However, I can see so many reasons why now isn’t the time. I know that saying goes “the right person at the wrong time is just the wrong person” but nobody is trying to hear that right now. I just know that there’s a hole in my heart where he used to have a very special place. And who knows, we might grow into two completely different incompatible people and never speak again. Or we might meet somewhere in a few years after some growth and fall in love all over again. I just know that I didn’t want him to be a temporary fixture in my life, he’s someone I wanted to continue pouring love into and I can’t anymore. It’s truly devastating to fall in love with someone who isn’t at a point in their life that they can accept it. I miss his constant support, his constant attention, him making me feel safe, I just miss him. Relationships that end when neither of you necessarily did anything wrong are just harder to move forward from I guess.

Certain days I feel like a huge wave of despair and hopelessness just washes over me. And no, I’m not talking about little beach waves of sadness, I’m talking about tsunami waves of it. They just hit me out of nowhere and I don’t know how to keep my head above the water. I’ve succeeded so far though. I feel like there isn’t a point and that maybe I should just give up. No amount of encouraging words seems to make a difference. What do you do when nothing helps? I’m not sure, I’m not the expert at figuring this out obviously.