The Fifteen-year Crisis (What Else is New?)

Hey ladies & theydees,

It's been nearly two years since I've shown my face around here and while lots of other shit has been changing, for the most part, at least that is still the same. As I spent 2021 and half of 2022 in grad school (idk I was having an identity crisis) I didn't really have the time to keep up with a blog yanno? But I'm back and hopefully, I won't be an inconsistent piece of trash.

I've been thinking a lot, which is usually what puts me in really terrible slumps to begin with. But I've mainly been thinking about how I've felt like I was in a perpetual crisis since I was in middle school and I've never really shaken that feeling no matter how far I've come.

What's a perpetual crisis? Self-explanatory, really, but in a nutshell, I always feel like I can be doing more and doing better. Creating more content, creating better content, working on podcasts, working on building a brand for myself, figuring out what makes the most sense. Well truthfully, nothing really makes sense. I know I'm not the only person whose brain is constantly switching from wanting one thing to another in a matter of minutes. Which boils down to this, how the hell are we supposed to know which thing to do? What to focus on? And how long before we can tell if this is something to stick to or something to cut our losses and move on?

How do you pick a niche when you're not particularly interested in anything? And are you not interested because you're depressed or because you never really found your passion as a child and now that you're an adult, you're just throwing things at a wall to see what sticks? Be honest! I know everyone is supposedly out here winging it, but I feel like some of y'all lying. Like you're a little too well put together and don't want to let the rest of us know your secrets so your gatekeeping ass is saying "everyone feels this way." Just know I got my eye on you heauxs.

Could've been acting since I was a child, could've stuck with my podcast when I started it in TWENTY NINETEEN THE YEAR OUR LORD, could've worked on my business since I had the idea but all I've ever done was doubt myself. Now all this time has passed and we (because I know some of you bitches are guilty of this) are standing in the same place wondering what the fuck to do now.

Well shit don't ask me. We in the same boat podna and we gon sink or swim together.

Here's to figuring this shit out to some degree and not disappointing the one person that matters (yourself, duh tf).

Love, peace and chicken grease, heaux.