That's what makes us girls

Today, I don’t think I really have any advice to give you. And some of you may exit stage right after reading that but it’s cool, I’m still going to say what I have to say. It has been an exhausting, frustrating 10 months since I graduated college and was thrown into real life with no career, no direction and no clue what the fuck I was doing. And let’s keep it real, it’s horrifying.

But despite that, I am still learning something new every day. Which I think is a huge part of growing up and growing as a person. Learning something new all the time doesn’t only help you grow as an individual but it helps your mind grow and expand. Just two months ago, I wasn’t in a bad place, but I wasn’t in a great place either. Your twenties, it seems, are a time of your life where a lot of confusion is taking place. You look at everyone around you and you ask, “What am I doing wrong?”

It turns out, that you’re not doing anything wrong. Turns out that everyone moves through life and has success at a different pace from one another, weird concept but okay.

So as I was saying, just two months ago, my confidence was pretty low. And I don’t mean I was going around saying things like “oh I’m so ugly, oh I’m so unloved” or anything like that. Because 1. I’m not ugly, I am That Bitch™ jr. and 2. I am extremely loved. The amount of encouragement I get from my friends and family is beyond me, like I’ve had people tell me how much they love my blog or how inspiring I am…and I’m like “Who? Me?”

I am getting off topic as per usual, I have the worst habit of rambling on and getting way off topic. But I’m a girl with a lot to say.

I wasn’t feeling ugly or having low self-esteem. It was more like I was just feeling like a LOSER. Like a college graduate who still works in a grocery store and lives at home (I actually have zero shame about living at home because ya girl does NOT want to pay rent OKURT). It takes a lot out of you to apply and interview for so many jobs and constantly get turned down. And it’s not even that I have a problem with being rejected. I know this world is too wide to be put down by “no’s” from the small pool of employers in my state. But it happened anyway. And I guess that I knew so little about anywhere else in the world that I couldn’t even begin to imagine where else I’d want to live.

But my rise from the ashes started in January. A Sunday in January to be more specific.

I woke up, at the ass crack of dawn and drove 2.5 hours to Nawlins, where I got lost on the way to my destination. My mentor, Michelby (aka That Bitch™ sr.) invited me to this brunch and I was doubtful about it. I couldn’t imagine myself going here and mingling with a room of strangers. But I did. And it was pretty great. Turns out I love hearing other women’s stories, I love hearing their advice and I met so many interesting women that I hope to keep in contact with (some of which will be featured on a business series on this very blog).

I felt a little better after that. I know saying that every overnight success is years in the making and I do think that’s true. I don’t think that anything good comes easy.

The next thing that built me up very much and might sound really weird to you, is that I started taking a pole class. Yep. You heard me. Pole as in dancer pole. It was the most fun I have had in so long. But I will say this, nothing makes you realize how not-sexy you are than being around someone who is actually sexy and graceful i.e. our pole instructor. LOL. She was everythiiiing. So supportive and so good at what she does. It wasn’t the floor, lap or pole dance that made me feel so confident, it was the fact that I was learning something new and getting stronger while I was doing it. I like adding skills to my repertoire of things that set me apart from everyone else.

The next thing that helped me a lot, was helping my partner in crime, Amber, put on her own brunch. It was a mixer/farmer’s market/brunch/female empowerment event. And I loved every minute of it. It did not go exactly how we had wished it would have but hey, you learn by trial and error. I’m so proud of this event, not just because Amber put it on and I helped, and not because I got it featured on the news (told you I’m That Bitch™ jr.) but that I met so many amazing women, who all have their own business and had so much to teach everyone else who was there.

See that’s the thing about stuff like that, and by that I mean events focused on women. I have never met anyone who has built me up or helped me out more than other women and I am eternally grateful for them.

I’ll tell you the thing that stuck with me the most from both of these events. I heard so many women say that when God has had enough he will push you in the right direction even if you're doubtful, even if you're uncomfortable. And I have a small problem with that because religion and faith is something I struggle with. But the crazy thing is that they’re right. They all have similar stories about how they thought up their idea for their business and were scared to quit their 9-5 and then some freak thing happened that caused them to be fired or quit their job, etc. Which gave them no other choice but to spread their wings and fly.

I’ll tell you what, I like stability, I like knowing when my next check is gunna hit that direct deposit ya dig. But you know what I hate? Working for somebody else, living by someone else’s rules, and not being able to do WHATEVER TF I want to. And that’s how I know that this 9-5 thing won’t fly forever. Sure, I’ll get my experience where I can, I’m not too proud to learn and take tips from someone. Shit, I don’t know everything, unless I’m arguing with a man, in that case, then I know everythaaang. But I’m willing to start at the bottom, because we all gotta start somewhere.

The more I sit back and think about where my life is right now, I realize that I’m doing a lot better than I give myself credit for. It’s true what they say, you are your own worst critic and bitch I do not let myself breathe. I know a lot, I do a lot, my skill set is pretty unique, I have transferrable skills, I have the groundwork for my own business, I’m making media contacts, I’m making progress. And although I am not as progressed in my life as some of my friends, I might just be right where I should. I mean shit, I’m contributing to publications, I have auditions coming up, life isn’t perfect but it sure ain’t bad.

Rewinding to what I said about God pushing you when he’s had enough…I think that time is coming for me. I think that my time to take my leap of faith is coming. Things in my life have been changing and I was letting myself be brought down by it. I was feeling like every time I felt like I was able to start flying again, a storm came and knocked me out of the sky. Everyone I cared about at my job was leaving or being transferred, I was feeling lost. But now I’m seeing that all these things happening is my push. It’s my push out of this job, possibly out of this town. I just know that opportunities are popping up everywhere I look and I don’t know if they’ve always been there or I’ve just recently allowed myself to see them. Whatever the answer to that may be, I am growing, I’m adapting and I’ll be damned if I let these obstacles keep me from going after what I want. So this is me telling all the doubt and negativity in my life :"baaaaiiiiiii".

Love, peace and chicken grease.