Having affection toward rejection

What a fucking title. Is that a thing I should do? Start rhyming all my titles? Nah I'm not gunna do that, I'm not that creative. But really, let's talk about it. Rejection. Something you will face a lot in life, especially right after graduating college. Which is possibly the worst time to be dealing with rejection. It's a rough time. And I do mean, rough. It's "I just got beat up in an alley and my bank account is withdrawn" rough. Yikes.

Rejection. One of my least favorite things to deal with in life, I’m sure we can all relate to that. It’s teeth-grinding, pulling my hair out, frustrating. And lately I’ve been dealing with it a lot. Like A LOT. But I am also trying to be a more gracious, positive person, who sees failures and rejections as part of the learning curve instead of an obligatory, pain in the ass part of life. I will say this though, rejection is the only consistent thing in my life right now, so I guess:

Rejection – 1

Kaitlan – 0

Were you aware how much rejection actually affects you, not only psychologically but physically as well?

Your parasympathetic system is affected. Your heart rate slows down. Which is part of the reason why rejection can actually make you feel heart broken. Fucking fantastic. Just what I need, more things breaking my heart.

As humans, we fear rejection. Who could blame us? Did you know that your brain releases pain killers whenever you face social pain in the same way it does when you feel physical pain. We seek acceptance and approval, no matter how hard we act. So being denied that has the potential to be crushing. Once we’re rejected we are less likely to take risks and feel like our actions won’t produce any desirable results. You’re less likely to try something if you feel you’ll fail in the end. It can seem like your goals are unreachable, the more you’re rejected.

But there’s the catch, if you feel like you’ll fail so you don’t even try, then of course your goals will be unreachable. Rejection can cause you to be stagnant. The effects of rejection can cause you to settle because you’re too afraid of being hurt again.

Fuck that. Embrace the fear. Find solace in it, it’ll make life easier.

So first off, you should take time to process rejection. Let’s just take a 15 and cry into our pillow. Don’t go on about your day like it’s all good, when it’s not.

You have got to tell yourself “no”. And by that I mean, your inner self. The nagging little voice in your head that’s telling you to stop doing what you’re doing or that you aren’t good enough and whatever other crocks of shit your mind comes up with whenever you’re bummed out.

Try being constructive. I know it’s annoying, I hate saying this psychotherapy bullshit. Because sometimes that’s exactly what I think it is. But the power of your own mind is wildly impressive. If you can trick yourself into being more positive, then I’d jump on that opportunity if I were you. Being constructive, is an opportunity to learn something new. Learning something new creates personal growth and from personal growth comes happiness. Boom. Combatting your post-rejection depression.

Look, I’m not saying that distracting yourself is the end all cure to being sad and feeling like ass after being rejected, but little steps are better than no steps at all.

While we’re on the topic of learning, keep in mind that rejection is also a learning experience. You can learn how to fix something or cut something out. So it’s not all bad. Every “no” isn’t necessarily a “no”. It might be a “yes” to something else in disguise.

Rejection is a sign that you are pushing your limits, you’re going outside of your comfort zone, and you’re going outside of what you really know and testing the waters of something else. That’s always a good sign.

Be kind to yourself. Take this shit a day at a time. Hopefully, one day you’ll look back on this period in your life and see what good thing you learned from it. I don’t think that there’s any night that’s so dark that the sun won’t eventually rise again. Your rejection doesn’t define you, it doesn’t make you any less of whatever you are. It just means you haven’t found your place in the world yet. Finding that place doesn’t come easy.

Be sweet to your rejection, don’t let it shit-talk you into a corner, afraid to make your next step. Hold it close, in a “keep your friends close but enemies closer” kind of way. Dig out a warm little corner somewhere in your heart for it and use it to fuel your fire.

So what can we do? Mope about it or take it in stride.

I think it’s best to just take it in stride, but that’s just my hoe opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the Olympic champion of moping. But rejection has not beat me and it’s unlikely that it will. As challenging as the last year has been, it has also been a hell of a learning experience. Do you think I would have learned or got to experience any of this if I had gotten what I thought I wanted in the first place? That's a no. I'm growing so much. So I'm coming to terms with the idea that maybe, just maybe, possibly I'm right where I need to be and I just haven't realized what the window of my life means yet. Which is fine, but can somebody let ya girl in on the secret.

So yeah, a job I really liked doesn’t even give me a second look or I didn’t get the role in a movie that I wanted. Yeah, it sucks ass. I won’t say being denied is something I like. BUT the world is so big, there are so many opportunities if you’re just willing to take off your blinders and put on your rose colored glasses instead. Because if you believe something is better than it actually is, it might start getting better. You can’t get told “no” forever. A “yes” is going to come along sooner or later. Hopefully.

If anyone at all wants to talk about their own rejections and how they shaped your life, please feel free to drop me a line. Leave me a comment, shoot me an email, slide in my DMs (@blackmambacreative). Until then, stay cool like the other side of the pillow.