a lot can change in a year

A year to the day that I graduated from college, which was quite literally one of the biggest achievements in my life thus far. Boom. First in the family to graduate college. I’m really That Bitch™. So what next? Well, I got my bachelor’s and a bitch still can’t find a job in her field. So, job updates…

NONE.

I’m absolutely sick about it. Someone hire me, TF. I want to be in my own apartment, living my best life working somewhere nice, preferably in higher education, just doing my thang. But whatever, the job search continues, I GUESS.

The rest of the year after I graduated was pretty unproductive. I started acting classes with Rachel Whittle, who is da bomb. And worked and that was about it.

Disclaimer: time is a construct, I’m just using it give you a visual timeline of my year so far.

Anyway, the year started off great, oddly enough. Like, I definitely wasn’t expecting the first four months of this year to happen this way. I can’t remember January if I’m keeping it really real with y’all. I know I worked a lot of overtime and slept in my free time and that’s about it for that. I did manage to make it to some networking events where I met a couple of potential clients (HOOOLLLAAAA) and learned a whoooole lot business wise. Shout out to Narcisse at Coffee x Hustle for that little nugget of info.

I made a vision board and a manifestation list AND a positive affirmations list.

So let me just tell y’all…if you don’t have any of those things, I highly, highly, highly encourage you to make at least one of them. I read a book called The Happiness Project. I got a lot of ideas about how to live more peacefully and be happier. My three aforementioned things helped tremendously. My vision board is right next to my bed so I see it literally every single day. My manifestation list is right above my head so I see it every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. My positive affirmations are hidden away in a notebook but that’s because they got nosey people in this house.

But since I’ve made those things, I feel like more of the things I want or am after are coming my way. Lemme give you an example, the very first thing on my manifestation list is book 4-5 acting gigs. And on God, shortly after, I booked a commercial and THEN booked a supporting role in a short film. So you all may now address me as Kaitlan Darby, actress™. Because now I really am one. Which is so weird to say, because this is something I’ve wanted my whole life and I have a really good feeling that it’s just the beginning of a really good thing. I met literally some of the coolest people on the set of that film and nothing humbled me more than being chosen on this project. It was truly the best experience for someone working on their first film.

I had auditioned for another film, a horror film, that I really wanted to be a part of. It didn't pan out, then I got this role. So I think that truly whatever is supposed to be yours, will come to you.

The list is still a mile long so I have a lot more manifesting and envisioning to do but yanno. It’s a start and I’d say it’s a good one.

So as the title suggests a lot can change in a year. I went from a beginner actress to being in a short film in like 8 months. EIGHT MONTHS. I am so proud of myself. I'm really, truly out here following my dreams. Now, to find an agent.

I went from being so depressed, and I mean SO depressed that some mornings I couldn’t find the willpower to get out of bed. Now I’m happier. I smile a lot more, laugh a lot more. I think I’m living a much better life than I was. One that allows me to have confidence in myself and in my skills. And lemme just tell ya, having confidence in yourself is whats it. Kind of like the law of attraction thing. I have confidence in myself, I’m happier, I’m nicer, I’m more positive and that’s the kind of things I’ve been attracting into my life, so ya girl is NOT complaining one single bit.

I’m a lot stronger than I was a year ago, mentally and physically. I’m conquering depression one step at a time. Mental health is so important and that’s why I’m so open to talking about it. Sometimes people feel like people crying out for help are just doing it for attention. And that’s exactly right. Give them the fucking attention they need, let them know you’re there to help them. Because you never know when someone won’t feel comfortable enough to reach out and before you know it, you’re attending their funeral. So in a nutshell, please check on your friends, check on your mental health and take care of yourselves, dammit.

As far as physical strength, gwurl, nothing will build your strength like pole class. Dead ass serious. I’ve never had so many body pains but then again I could hold body weight up on a pole before that class either. So the shit works if you ask me. You will be in pain, I wouldn't lie to y'all. Your arms are probably going to hurt for dayzzzz. If you want to take a pole class, start building that core, doing push-ups and eating your wheaties, RIGHT NOW.

I’ve started to trust my gut more in the last year. Ever since I hitchhiked home from Texas with strangers from the airport last June, I figured that my gut couldn’t be so wrong after I made it home safely after that. I even got a sign from God or the universe or whoever during that situation that everything was going to be alright. So maybe I gave myself permission to trust myself more, about damn time.

Which brings me to my next point, I think I almost convinced myself that I was ready to be in a relationship. Which is weird af, because I’m highkey unstable and don’t know what I want from literally one moment to the next. I can own up to the fact that I’m wishy washy as fuck. I don’t know what switched inside me from not giving a single fuck about a relationship to kind-of, sort-of wanting one. I was always so set on not being distracted from my dreams by a guy that now I feel as though there’s something wrong with me now for wanting that. Maybe it’s less about me actually wanting one and more to do with the person who I wanted it with. But that’s a story for another blog post. Which will hopefully be coming soon.

Another bullet point on my manifestation list was to blog every week and as you can see, that has not been happening. We are still a work in progress, people.

So I guess that’s all my updates for now. I hope that in the last year, things have certainly changed for the better for all of you. Let’s keep moving up in the world. Start coming to terms with the way things in your life are and if you don't like them, start doing things to change them. Start embracing every part of your journey because it really won't last forever. Remember, part of the journey is the end.

Reduce, Reuse and Recyle.

Peace out.